Clutter? De-Clutter? What's on my mind.

[kajel]

Growing up with my mother, our house was always clean. I would say she was a neat freak. ;) During my childhood, every Saturday was spent cleaning the house from top to bottom. Everyday after coming home from school, we had a chore. Dishes were never left in the sink after a meal, floors were always swept and vacuumed, etc. Once every 6 months or so the house would get a good spring clean. The fridge and stove were cleaned then moved and cleaned under. Windows were washed, baseboards, window sills, and so on.

As my mother has gotten older, I would say she has become more obsessive about the house cleaning. Maybe it is just that I am older now, so she expected more from me than when I was a child. And, if I think about it, maybe it is more that she gets upset when someone blows through and messes with all her hard work. I get that. When I visit, I fall right back into her patterns. My parents have a beautiful home. Don't get me wrong, I don't think this is a bad thing. However, I have spent the bulk of my adult life rebelling against the patterns of my past.

The funny thing is that I am the oldest, the 'good daughter' if you will. I did everything my parents ever asked me. I never did anything I felt they would disapprove of, but somewhere along the way I rebelled in my own way. I don't always look my best, I don't curl my hair everyday or put makeup on. I don't make my bed and I let the dishes stay in the sink if I feel like it.

The problem is, my house gets cluttered. Then I start to stress about it. Then I start to feel like I am a bad housewife and I am letting my husband down. I am not pulling my weight, not doing my share. I think it is a tossup in my house who breaks first, Ned or me. Last night it was Ned. The kitchen was cleaned while I played with a fussy baby. Sometimes it is me. Ned will come home and I have been a whirlwind of activity and the house looks great for a day or two.

If I am home all day, Ned shouldn't have to clean the kitchen. I feel like the house is my job. Sure, that's a little traditional, but I like traditional. Now, outside is Ned's job. ;)~ My problem is routine. I need to establish and keep a routine. I have a friend who pointed out the site flylady.net. I am exploring it now. I will see if it can be helpful in starting and keeping to a routine. I need to fall back into the patterns of my childhood.

Comments

[silverrose.livejournal.com]

Flylady helped me, even though I didn't do everything the way she did and we don't do it anymore. When I was home all day and could carve out little chunks of time to do specific scheduled tasks it was great.

[dabhug.livejournal.com]

I could see so much of myself in the first part of your post, especially this: However, I have spent the bulk of my adult life rebelling against the patterns of my past.

And then I got to this: I need to fall back into the patterns of my childhood.

And I have to say that from my perspective, perhaps the very best thing you can do is to make your own patterns. That is what Flylady has helped me with the most. I don't have to do it the way my grandmother does. You don't have to do it the way your mother does. Because, at least for me, the way my grandmother does it isn't healthy.

More tomorrow....

Good luck to you. Be kind to yourself.

[kajel.livejournal.com]

hmm, I liked how my thoughts circled around in my post at the time, but what you said was more my intent. lol That's what I get for getting caught up in the words.

[dabhug.livejournal.com]

I understand. :o)

don't worry so much

[giazz-40.livejournal.com]

Coming from me, you would have to know that my life was the complete opposite! My mom still doesn't do the whole "cleaning thing", and then my father's second and third wives do (long story, he divorced twice, married three times).

Before I got married, I had "piles" of stuff all over the place. I'm sure that if your mom could see it, boy would she freak out!

Look, you are a new mom, and I'm sorry, but baby comes first, then you, then your husband and then stuff can get done around the house. You are a grown woman, you have your own life, and you live in your own house.

Don't worry so much about getting it cleaned up right away, just when you have your mom come over...or better yet, ask if she would like to help by offering to come over to clean with you? Hmmm, not a bad idea eh? No worries, when baby Nick is ready, he'll be able to do his own chores...which by the way, I'm slowly teaching my 5 year old to do, yet, everytime I turn around there is a teeny tiny train ready for me to step on...

Smile, and take everything in stride honey.

G

[mnangel34.livejournal.com]

You know hon growing up I envied you for your mom's love of cleanliness because mine didn't care. I have used flylady and it is very wonderful if you keep in mind that you have to tailor everything around your world. Remember, she doesn't live in it you do. That said, there is also nothing wrong with having a slightly traditional mindset if you also keep another thing in mind. Marriage is a partnership and in being such it is the "job" of both individuals to work in harmony to make things flow in your environment. You have as much of a full time job with Nicky as Ned does with the college. Especially right now as he needs SOOOO much of your time. Don't beat yourself up if Ned has to do the dishes one night...he dirtied half of them didn't he?

The other thing that I have learned is that the habits of the past are where they are because we have evolved past them. You will find a balance that is all yours with being clean and not freaking about it.
Hug.

[alycewilson.livejournal.com]

I feel the same way you do. In my case, I work at home, so it makes sense that I'm the one who cleans and cooks during the week. However, I think once we have a baby, I'll be asking my hubby to do more!