Sometimes, Distance Sucks
Jul. 4th, 2013 03:18 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kajelI grew up as a child with a military parent. We moved around. I would say often, but for us it averaged about every four years. I am used to having family and friends on the other side of the country. Sometimes, it was even the other side of the world. My best friend lives in my hometown in Arizona, along with many of my relatives. My parents and sisters live in New York. I live in North Carolina with the family I am creating here. Distance has always been a part of my life.
Most celebrations are done by phone and mail. Sunday, May 12th was Mother's Day. Two of my sisters were on a cross-country road trip at the time, leaving my Dad and sister, Wendy, home to celebrate with Mom. I called home to talk with her and to see if she had received the gift I actually sent on time. After the normal pleasantries, Mom told me that my sister was making her go to Urgent Care that afternoon. My Mom had a wound of some type on her lower leg. She developed an infection and she had been trying to treat it herself. That weekend, they all became really concerned about it. That Mom was willing to go to Urgent Care let me know that this was pretty bad.
You have to understand, my Mom hadn't been to a doctor in at least ten years. Not since moving to New York in 2001. My weight right now is in the upper 200's. I am considered morbidly obese, as one doctor seemed to relish telling me. With this prevailing attitude in some doctors, I dread finding a new doctor. My Mom is quite a bit heavier than I am. After moving, the thought of finding a new doctor was too daunting for her. So, she never did it.
I got a call after 11:00 p.m. that night from my sister. Mom was being admitted to the hospital. Her wound was pretty bad. The official diagnosis was Cellulitis. Cellulitis is basically a bacterial skin infection that, without treatment, will spread throughout your body and kill you. It is extremely painful. When admitted, Mom was also very anemic. It was difficult getting the information I needed and wanted while talking to my sister or Dad. They were exhausted anytime I got a hold of them and those first two days, they didn't have much information for me. It is frustrating finding everything out secondhand. I felt much better about what was going on after speaking with Mom on Wednesday.
While she was in the hospital, the doctors scheduled lots of different tests. One was a colonoscopy. A doctor found and removed a large polyp. He came to talk to Mom later and let her know, that within a year, the polyp would have been colon cancer. She told him there was no need to be humble, he was allowed to walk around with his chest puffed out and say 'I saved her life'. When I heard about it later that night, Mom said that maybe this leg problem was the best thing that happened to her.
After five days in the hospital, Mom begged and pleaded with the last doctor that was holding up her discharge. He was still concerned about the anemia. Her numbers had bounced back enough that they were very close to being where he wanted them. She finally convinced him she would eat spinach salad twice a day for a month if he would just let her go home. For the next few weeks, it seemed like every time I called, Mom was on her way to or from a doctor's appointment. The wound care was being done as well as all the catch up appointments for the last ten years.
In mid June, Mom graduated out of wound care. The infection was all cleared up and she was starting to get her energy back. My husband and I took our kids to the beach for four days. We got home on a Sunday. On Monday, we celebrated my birthday. Tuesday, Mom called and said 'now don't get mad'. These words, in our family, mean that something happened while I was on vacation. Mom had had a mammogram the Thursday or Friday before. They found some concerning spots and did three different biopsies on Friday. The results came in on Tuesday morning before she called me. My mother has breast cancer.
Her doctor told her that morning that this is really going to be rough, but the cancer isn't going to kill her. They found it at the earliest possible stage. The bad news is two spots on her left breast are on opposite sides and will require they remove the entire breast. The plan is a mastectomy of the left breast, reconstruction, and a reduction of the right. The last thing I said to my mother before hanging up was that her leg was definitely the best thing that ever happened to her.
According to Mom, at least there is one silver lining. She will have perky breasts again! Yes, we have a really warped sense of humor in my family. I think it is a good thing when you are delivering or receiving news like this and you can hang up the phone laughing. The laughter didn't last as it sank in, but it makes me smile every time I think of it.
She met a surgeon for the mastectomy last week. She called to say that she was really comfortable with him. He talked her through the process and answered all her questions and concerns. She is waiting to meet the plastic surgeon now. I was the only one not in the room meeting the surgeon. It is a twelve-hour drive to get home to see my family. If I fly, it only takes two hours. Have you ever flown with two small children? I would rather drive. Being a long-distance daughter is hard sometimes. I really need to give my mother a hug right now. Next week is her 60th birthday. Sometimes, distance sucks.
-------------------
This is my entry for LJ Idol: Exhibit B. This week's topic was one of four. I chose From Afar.
Most celebrations are done by phone and mail. Sunday, May 12th was Mother's Day. Two of my sisters were on a cross-country road trip at the time, leaving my Dad and sister, Wendy, home to celebrate with Mom. I called home to talk with her and to see if she had received the gift I actually sent on time. After the normal pleasantries, Mom told me that my sister was making her go to Urgent Care that afternoon. My Mom had a wound of some type on her lower leg. She developed an infection and she had been trying to treat it herself. That weekend, they all became really concerned about it. That Mom was willing to go to Urgent Care let me know that this was pretty bad.
You have to understand, my Mom hadn't been to a doctor in at least ten years. Not since moving to New York in 2001. My weight right now is in the upper 200's. I am considered morbidly obese, as one doctor seemed to relish telling me. With this prevailing attitude in some doctors, I dread finding a new doctor. My Mom is quite a bit heavier than I am. After moving, the thought of finding a new doctor was too daunting for her. So, she never did it.
I got a call after 11:00 p.m. that night from my sister. Mom was being admitted to the hospital. Her wound was pretty bad. The official diagnosis was Cellulitis. Cellulitis is basically a bacterial skin infection that, without treatment, will spread throughout your body and kill you. It is extremely painful. When admitted, Mom was also very anemic. It was difficult getting the information I needed and wanted while talking to my sister or Dad. They were exhausted anytime I got a hold of them and those first two days, they didn't have much information for me. It is frustrating finding everything out secondhand. I felt much better about what was going on after speaking with Mom on Wednesday.
While she was in the hospital, the doctors scheduled lots of different tests. One was a colonoscopy. A doctor found and removed a large polyp. He came to talk to Mom later and let her know, that within a year, the polyp would have been colon cancer. She told him there was no need to be humble, he was allowed to walk around with his chest puffed out and say 'I saved her life'. When I heard about it later that night, Mom said that maybe this leg problem was the best thing that happened to her.
After five days in the hospital, Mom begged and pleaded with the last doctor that was holding up her discharge. He was still concerned about the anemia. Her numbers had bounced back enough that they were very close to being where he wanted them. She finally convinced him she would eat spinach salad twice a day for a month if he would just let her go home. For the next few weeks, it seemed like every time I called, Mom was on her way to or from a doctor's appointment. The wound care was being done as well as all the catch up appointments for the last ten years.
In mid June, Mom graduated out of wound care. The infection was all cleared up and she was starting to get her energy back. My husband and I took our kids to the beach for four days. We got home on a Sunday. On Monday, we celebrated my birthday. Tuesday, Mom called and said 'now don't get mad'. These words, in our family, mean that something happened while I was on vacation. Mom had had a mammogram the Thursday or Friday before. They found some concerning spots and did three different biopsies on Friday. The results came in on Tuesday morning before she called me. My mother has breast cancer.
Her doctor told her that morning that this is really going to be rough, but the cancer isn't going to kill her. They found it at the earliest possible stage. The bad news is two spots on her left breast are on opposite sides and will require they remove the entire breast. The plan is a mastectomy of the left breast, reconstruction, and a reduction of the right. The last thing I said to my mother before hanging up was that her leg was definitely the best thing that ever happened to her.
According to Mom, at least there is one silver lining. She will have perky breasts again! Yes, we have a really warped sense of humor in my family. I think it is a good thing when you are delivering or receiving news like this and you can hang up the phone laughing. The laughter didn't last as it sank in, but it makes me smile every time I think of it.
She met a surgeon for the mastectomy last week. She called to say that she was really comfortable with him. He talked her through the process and answered all her questions and concerns. She is waiting to meet the plastic surgeon now. I was the only one not in the room meeting the surgeon. It is a twelve-hour drive to get home to see my family. If I fly, it only takes two hours. Have you ever flown with two small children? I would rather drive. Being a long-distance daughter is hard sometimes. I really need to give my mother a hug right now. Next week is her 60th birthday. Sometimes, distance sucks.
-------------------
This is my entry for LJ Idol: Exhibit B. This week's topic was one of four. I chose From Afar.
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(no subject)
Date: 2013-07-04 11:34 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-07-05 02:38 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-07-05 05:41 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-07-05 12:07 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-07-06 12:25 am (UTC)I think your Mom is right about the rest-- so many scary things became known before it was too late, as a result of that. I'm sorry she's so far away, and that everyone is, really. Good luck to her with her treatment. She's well ahead of most people already with her attitude. :)
(no subject)
Date: 2013-07-06 12:34 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-07-06 12:10 pm (UTC)I'm sorry to hear your mother has cancer but I'm glad they found it at the earliest stage possible because that makes a big difference.
Yes, we have a really warped sense of humor in my family. Sounds like my sense of humour too!
(no subject)
Date: 2013-07-06 12:37 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-07-06 12:46 pm (UTC)It helps when you can laugh at the bad stuff sometimes. yes, this so much! I often use humour in bad situations, have done since I was a child. It really does help and I'm thankful I have my sense of humour to fall back on, but I too have had people say "wth?!?! why are you laughing?!" very often.
I laughed and said, well, my house burned down, so I don't need it right now. She told me it wasn't a laughing matter. I said it my house, so I could laugh if I wanted. That sounds exactly like me. I can honestly see myself doing the exact same thing. I'm rly sorry about your house, but I'm glad no one was hurt; that's def the most important thing.
(no subject)
Date: 2013-07-06 04:48 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-07-06 06:02 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-07-08 01:31 am (UTC)At least they found it early and her prognosis is encouraging.
Humor really is the best medicine. We used it a lot to help cope with my mother's cancer, my m-i-l's cancer and my f-i-l's alzheimers.
I was 2000 miles away when I got the call about my Mom's cancer.
I know I don't know you too well, but if you ever want to vent, feel free to PM me. :)
(no subject)
Date: 2013-07-08 02:29 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-07-08 04:26 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-07-09 04:44 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-07-08 08:01 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-07-09 04:44 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-07-09 12:13 am (UTC)as a fellow military kid, the thought of moving away from my parents is the most fear inducing thing I can think of
(we were razzing my mum about her WalMart funeral the day of my dad's funeral, so the warped humor is appreciated and well understood)
I'll keep her in my thoughts, and like my mum said when she had lymphoma:I'm too much of a bitch to let cancer get me :D
(no subject)
Date: 2013-07-09 04:42 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-07-09 02:29 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-07-09 04:41 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-07-09 03:52 am (UTC)My spouse had to take 3 incompletes last semester because of cellulitis - there was a spot on his back that went from "eh, probably a bug bite" to "wait, WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!" remarkably fast, and he was just barely allowed to go home with the strongest antibiotics the doctor would prescribe an outpatient - if it had been any worse this would have been Hospital Right Now.
It's scary stuff. :/
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Date: 2013-07-09 04:41 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-07-09 02:42 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-07-09 04:38 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-07-09 02:52 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-07-09 04:37 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-07-09 09:42 pm (UTC)